Okay it’s been a while that I’ve done a post on fashion so today I’m taking the time out of very empty schedule to bless you all with my knowledge. Before we go on, I have no idea why my fashion posts never get any comments even though I’m usually telling you guys the truth as I see it. And I’m always right.:) So know on to the rant.

POINTLESS

Big ass handbags. Yes I’ve talked about them before and I’m going to do so again. I don’t really like them. I don’t see the point of someone carrying around a handbag bigger than my bagpack. What is y’all carry in there? As in when I leave the house all I have on me is a wallet and my phone but y’all chuck with a massive hand bag filled with nothing and that time I ask you whether you sleep over somewhere(or planning to be chips’d, apparently they’re also called chip funga bags. You might wanna read @savvykenya’s post for an explanation) and you say no. SO WHAT THE FUCK YOU NEED A BAG THAT BIG FOR!!

UGLIEST shoes ever

Doll shoes of the plastic variaty. I think they’re called sandaks. Okay can anyone honestly tell me if there’s an uglier pair of shoes you could wear? As in damn, these shoes go past the blandness of normal doll shoes and take it to another level I doubt any pair other of shoes will ever, in the history of mankind, surpass. as in apart for being generally yawn, they do nothing for your feet (fashion-wise that is). Infact I’ll go on to say they positively make your feet look ugly. Some of y’all have ugly feet or rather these shoes make them seem so. I have several reason I hate these shoes but I won’t go into them. Just DON’T WEAR THESE SHOES, THEY’RE UGLY!! Wear sandals or slipper if you want to wear comfortable shoes. But in fairness you can go read @Kawiria’s defense of these lame ass shoes here.

DO NOT carry these in public

Finally the big one, something that has been bothering me for the better part of this year. Coloured plastic water bottles. Many months ago I was walking through town and noticed this chic walking around with one of these bottles in her hands. I saw also that she had a big ass handbag on the other side and I thought isn’t that stupid? Why not put it in the big ass handbag? To make it worse she was carrying it, the water bottle in such a way to show it in prominence like she was showing it off. Cool I let it good as her own stupidity or vanity or what ever. Fast forward to three weeks later and everyone was doing the same thing. Come on why would anyway want to floss something so tacky and cheap? Swinging them around as if to announce to the whole world look I’m healthy I drink water! And it’s in such a pretty bottle! Nkt! Idiots, the bloody bottle cost only 300 bob! Stop it! I swear if any of you come to meet me swinging of of these I’ll ripped into you so bad you’ll question your fashion sense for the rest of your life. Really I DARE YOU! Put it in your big ass handbag, let it have some use and spare me the agony.

Anyway after all that I couldn’t just leave you without what I think you should be wearing right? It wouldn’t be fair. So here they are: 1. Stockings; these are for me one of the sexiest things you could wear. 2. Platform shoes; I have no idea why these are taking so long to catch on. 3. Three quarter shorts; these are just awesome and edgy. 4. Dresses, the flowing out kind; I don’t see many of these around sure way to stand out out and still remain classy.

Doesn’t this look lovely?

I’m sorry male readers but I have nothing to tell you this time but feel free to suggest to these tips and rants to your wifes(?), girlfriends and sisters, it’ll do them a world of good. Anyway I’m done for today, peace!!

(Photo credits google images and @Kawiria’s blog. Oh and I couldn’t spell check it for some reason, sorry:()

Written by Sidney Ochieng

Child at heart and mind. Feminist. Story teller. Fledgling data scientist. Your future boss

10 Comments

Shiko-Msa

Hahaha. I don't feel those shoes yet either. They're called Jelly Flats. I remember tweeting about them some time. But there are people who love them to bits.

Reply
cdohnio

@shikomsa I was told they're hustling shoes still they're the ygliest things anyone could wear! No lie!
@Anon I know right? More chis should wear these!

Reply
Gay Nairobi Man

YOU are quite daring my friend. I am gay and I know one thing..never to complain on women fashion unless I have built a fortress!

I will only say that I have asked many of my female friends about the big bag..and suprisingly they do not have a logical( or rational) answer apart from 'fashion'

Reply
cdohnio

@GMN I'm just letting people know my thoughts but I'll take your advice in stride! Yeah that big bag is utter nonsense!:)

Reply
Anonymous

a notebook to jot down random things I hear or some of the excellent thoughts I have, a novel to read in the jav (currently, 'I dared to call Him Father' by Bilquis Sheikh), my screwdriver, two pens, lipbalm, my wallet, my comb, my parfum, my deo, my hand lotion, my pliers, a calculator, my phone charger, a normal sized Dasani bottle of water (ya those huge bottles are ridiculous), my Bible, a pair of specs I never wear even though I'm blind, my D.L., my phone, a sweater, a scarf (just in case), a shoal(just in case), glue, another novel in case i get bored of the first one (currently, 'Veronika decides to die' Paulo Coelho), my laptop and it's charger, an extra pair of socks, a smaller bag with some necessities, my sunglasses, a copy of The Economist(currently last week's copy) aaaand a multi-purpose gadget with a pen-knife, a small axe, a corkscrew and a bottle-opener, among other things, incorporated.

That is what i carry in my HUGE ASS bag everyday! 🙂 K.

Reply
stupendoustidbits

haha *DEAD* @K you have made my day…thanks for describing the contents of our bags…our because I would've probably written the same thing..

As for jelly-flats, i'm one of those girls who love them…even had a post on them i call them "my convenient shoes" and thing is I don't care what a man thinks of them, it's me who's feeling the comfort..so if he thinks I'm shady he might as well wait for the day am in heels..and he also better come pick me up from my house to destination and vice versa…oh and the car needs not to resemble jelly flats.. #ifyouknowwhatimean

Reply
cdohnio

@K Ebu get serious! A screwdriver? How now? And I guess I can give you a pass if you're carrying a laptop in there
@stupendous well I still hate them!
@Joliea Sema tu!

Sorry guiys for taking so long to reply your comments been rather busy!!

Reply
Gay Nairobi Man

YOU are quite daring my friend. I am gay and I know one thing..never to complain on women fashion unless I have built a fortress!

I will only say that I have asked many of my female friends about the big bag..and suprisingly they do not have a logical( or rational) answer apart from 'fashion'

Reply

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