There’s something horribly wrong with me, I’ve not been feeling good at all emotionally and I’m not sure what it is. For the past one week or so I’ve been having really weird mood swings. And it’s gotten so bad I actually slapped my sis today morning. Yes, she was being unusually unreasonable but still thinking back at it, there where better ways to deal with the situation. Though this isn’t exactly the first time I’ve felt like this this particular bout feels particularly worse.

The last few days I’ve been have serious variations of my mood. I could start out the day in rather high spirits but at the slightest thing my mood would immediately plunge to severe lows. Sometimes it would be nothing at all just out of no where  I’d just feel down.

But today morning my baby sis was being unreasonable when preparing to go to school; crying and shouting and refusing to dress. I was still asleep but I woke up and told her to behave when she didn’t I slapped her once rather hard into submission. She cried but still got dressed with out further hustle. But I was shocked at myself I could’ve, should’ve handled it differently.

I’m not sure what’s wrong but I think I might be suffering from clinical depression or bipolarism. I don’t feel like going into a description of what those might be so I’ll leave you to google them. I actually stumbled upon the terms thanks to @sgyreju.(I’ve learnt a lot from/because of her)

My mum, who of course doesn’t know the full extent of this “depression” I told her about because she isn’t staying with me told me I should go see a psychologist, or is it psychiatrist or counsellor, at the hospital near my place. She like the only person who knows me better than me.:) & 🙁 Corny, cliché but so very true. The hospital would do the thing free but I’ve been avoiding it for the last so many months and I’m not so sure why. Maybe I don’t want to talk to strangers about what I’m feeling, just pure laziness or I don’t want to go alone.

Anyway I’m still haven’t decided if I’m going but if this thing, this feeling goes on any longer I’m going to have go give it a try. I really don’t like feeling like this and if it’s going to be affect my baby sis I’ll need to do something soon. I’m sorry for the weird posts, it’s just the way I feel and I want to be honest with you guys. I’m not going to tweet out this post like I usually would and I’m turning off the comments; I don’t really want to hear what you have to say. Peace.

Written by Sidney Ochieng

Child at heart and mind. Feminist. Story teller. Fledgling data scientist. Your future boss

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