in Activism, Asexuality, Learning

Asexuality (I learn soemthing new very day here)

When I stared this blog I did it for fun! For the fame. To let the world know what I was thinking. But yesterday I just realised that having this blog has enabled me to learn a lot more about human nature! It’s a truly overwhelming feeling to get comments from you, my readers, that force me to think and do research. Thanks to you all I was able to write a post on Homosexuality in pre-colonial Kenya and now again thanks to my last post I’ve learnt about asexuality. But thats not that brought on this post.

It was this comment by Sgyreju on the post.

“Well, I’m asexual, as I told you on Twitter. Asexual people are not THAT rare. I know rather well a dozen asexual people and have met about forty in all, thanks to online communities and blogs (and I’m only talking about people I’ve seen in person here). A study suggested that one percent of the population is asexual, so everyone probably knows at least one asexual person (they just may not know them well enough to know that this person is asexual). Every day I see several people joining the asexual communities I’m a member of and writing stuff like “I’m so glad I’ve found out about asexuality, I always wondered why I was different, it’s such a relief to know I’m not alone”.

The definition of asexuality is “not experiencing sexual attraction” and that fits perfectly what your friend said about not having looked at a woman in a sexual way. Of course, yes, he might be gay too (although those stereotypes of cleanliness really don’t matter – I know straight guys who are very neat and gay guys who are real slobs). He only said that he never looked at women in a sexual way; he might have looked at men in a sexual way.

Basically, if you’re wondering what it’s like to be asexual: apparently you’re a straight guy, right? So you’ve never looked at a guy in a sexual way, you’ve never looked at a guy and thought he was hot and that you wanted to have sex with him? Well, I’ve never looked at anyone, guy or girl, and thought that they were hot and that I wanted to have sex with them. I don’t even understand how one can feel that way about another person. I know most people do experience sexual attraction, but I just can’t imagine what it’s like.

I suppose that, as a straight guy, you don’t think you’re missing anything by not being sexually interested in guys? Well, asexual people generally don’t think they’re missing anything by not being sexually attracted to anyone. We can’t miss something we’ve never felt. And we are usually really surprised that other people feel that kind of attraction and that it’s such a big deal for them.

Here’s the FAQ of the Asexual Visibility and Education Network, if you want to know more about asexuality: And I’m willing to answer questions too if you have any :-)”

So ofcourse me being me, I went to the website. This is what it says(but y’all should go check it out yourself there’s a lot more to be seen there, like their personal experiences)

An asexual is someone who does not experience sexual attraction. Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are. Asexuality does not make our lives any worse or any better, we just face a different set of challenges than most sexual people. There is considerable diversity among the asexual community; each asexual person experiences things like relationships, attraction, and arousal somewhat differently. Asexuality is just beginning to be the subject of scientific research.

Asexual people have the same emotional needs as anyone else, and like in the sexual community we vary widely in how we fulfill those needs. Some asexual people are happier on their own, others are happiest with a group of close friends. Other asexual people have a desire to form more intimate romantic relationships, and will date and seek long-term partnerships. Asexual people are just as likely to date sexual people as we are to date each other.

Sexual or nonsexual, all relationships are made up of the same basic stuff. Communication, closeness, fun, humor, excitement and trust all happen just as much in sexual relationships as in nonsexual ones. Unlike sexual people, asexual people are given few expectations about the way that our intimate relationships will work. Figuring out how to flirt, to be intimate, or to be monogamous in a nonsexual relationships can be challenging, but free of sexual expectations we can form relationships in ways that are grounded in our individual needs and desires.

Many asexual people experience attraction, but we feel no need to act out that attraction sexually. Instead we feel a desire to get to know someone, to get close to them in whatever way works best for us. Asexual people who experience attraction will often be attracted to a particular gender, and will identify as lesbian, gay, bi, or straight.

For some sexual arousal is a fairly regular occurrence, though it is not associated with a desire to find a sexual partner or partners. Some will occasionally masturbate, but feel no desire for partnered sexuality. Other asexual people experience little or no arousal. Because we donโ€™t care about sex, asexual people generally do not see a lack of sexual arousal as a problem to be corrected, and focus their energy on enjoying other types of arousal and pleasure.

Note: People do not need sexual arousal to be healthy, but in a minority of cases a lack of arousal can be the symptom of a more serious medical condition. If you do not experience sexual arousal or if you suddenly lose interest in sex you should probably check with a doctor just to be safe.

Most people on AVEN have been asexual for our entire lives. Just as people will rarely and unexpectedly go from being straight to gay, asexual people will rarely and unexpectedly become sexual or vice versa. Another small minority will think of themselves as asexual for a brief period of time while exploring and questioning their own sexuality.

There is no litmus test to determine if someone is asexual. Asexuality is like any other identity- at its core, itโ€™s just a word that people use to help figure themselves out. If at any point someone finds the word asexual useful to describe themselves, we encourage them to use it for as long as it makes sense to do so.

It seems that society is made up of people far more diverse than I had initially thought. We have heterosexuals, homosexuals, transgenders and now asexuals. I think why some people, like me, are just hearing about this is because no one would have a problem with them just because they don’t bother us much but I know that we might still ridicule them(I’m still trying to wrap my head round the idea, i can’t) for just being who they are! Remember just because someone is different from you doesn’t make them wrong, it’s our differences that make life interesting and worth living. As Joliea says “Live and let live”.  Oh yeah, before I go make sure you have a look at Sgyreju’s blog  “Rainbow Amoeba’s Petri Dish” for more insight into the day to day life of an asexual. he’s friendly so don’t be shy and ask him questions. I know I will.

I just realised that I haven’t really said much here that’s original. Is that plagiarism? Then again would you have ever heard this much about asexuality? Anyway again its still amazing me how much this blog is opening my eyes. Its truly a great learning experience! Comments are always welcome. Btw I don’t moderate comments as claimed elsewhere on this blog. What would be the point of enabling anonymous comments then? As always peace!!

  1. i remember reading an article about asexuality in the wednesday nation magazine thingy quite a while back and i found it so insanely interesting! but when i talked to some of my friends about asexuality they could only relate it to the stuff we'd learned in bio…lol ๐Ÿ™‚ anyway, i think i'm going to completely wear out Sgyreju with the amount of questions i have, so thanks ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Anytime! Thanks for the comment, btw are you on twitter? Or know that would be breaking anonymity?

  3. This is a brilliant post. U are blessed to have the time to work on such. I have tried and tried! God knows that!

    Anywhoo, Can I re-post this on my blog as I work on a post?

    Thanks in advance ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. My un-anonymous self is on twitter, though I don't go on much.
    But yeah, I think it would be the beginning of the end for Nobody You Know ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. This is a brilliant post. U are blessed to have the time to work on such. I have tried and tried! God knows that!

    Anywhoo, Can I re-post this on my blog as I work on a post?

    Thanks in advance ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. the reason we are few is because thereโ€™s limited information and awareness especially in Africa regarding asexuals. Have a cake

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