I’ve been meaning to do this post for a while now but really haven’t had the time or energy to do it. Immediately after Barcamp Nairobi I promptly feel sick! Yeah that’s right, I reached home and my flu symptoms went through the roof! I got a fever and headache so I took the next two days off!(Turns out it was a week, this post has been sitting in drafts for some time) So I’m here today back at work (and bored already).
But that’s not what this post is about today post is about something that happened earlier. While we waited at my boy’s house we regaled each other with stories of our past sexual exploits. And of course this story came up because the main actor in it was there (it was his house). Anyway as we went on talking the dude, I called him Tee last time, right? Well he told us that his girlfriend had found out he wasn’t being faithful.
He met this girl and she was hot!! But apparently her most defining feature is her massive ass! Also she works out so she’s rather lean. Anyway it turns out this girl is best friends with his girlfriend’s cousin. Who of course went and told her cousin and she called my boy, Tee, crying and stuff. He told me he has no idea where he got the game to convince her that he was sorry and that he’d never do anything to hurt her again. He said something like he hadn’t, until that point, been taking the relationship seriously but promised to do so from then on.
Well that brings me to today’s question. What’s with people, while I only know guys I mean both sexes, having this inability to remain faithful? Is faithfulness really a myth? I mean it really can’t be that hard, can it? I never been in a tempting situation because, well, I’ve never been in a relationship so I always wonder what would happen if it did happen. Would I hold up? Judging from my friends its impossible.
Haha! This is hilarious. Why? Because I have just read this here http://www.gaykenya.com/news/weekly-columnist/columnist-denis-nzioka/3714.html
and the author says the same thing about gay people.
I hope it doesnt happen to me though!
But honestly, I also would like to know why it is so hard for people to be faithful! I just hope..
Oh who am I kidding!!!
I used to reason the way you do until i was cheated on…I have loved the same guy for years and it broke my heart to pieces. Though i am still with the said guy(i still love him – i know, messed up)i am more inclined to cheat now more than ever before just to get even, in some warped way of thinking.
I agree with you that if you cannot keep it in your pants, you'd rather stay single and i still believe that it is possible to stay faithful, it's up to your principles.
@joliea You too? You don't think you can stay faithful? Really? Why do you think that?
@Anon Love is irrational so yeah its understandable. As for faithfulness I like to believe that I'll be able to stay fatihful.
Thanks both of you for commenting!!:)
@cdohnio No…I meant I wouldn't want to be the one on the receiving end!
@joliea Yeah I know. I can only imagine the pain one goes through when their partner cheats on you. Especially if you really loved them.
That question is debatable and ranges widely.
I think we are all faithful until the chance comes along and we give in to it.
@boyfulani Dude!!! That has got to be the silliest answer you could have given! ati faithful until the chance comes along and we give in to it… Good Lord mmade me laugh!!
Thanks for commenting!
Mind over matter I say.
I was in relationship where I got cheated on and kept forgiving and taking him back because I was afraid of whats 'out there'. After a while, I also started cheating to 'get back'.
Anyhow, once I decided to get out and promised to be faithfull to my next one, I met the most wonderful man possible. We have been monogamous for 6 years…we get tempted( at least I know I do) but having being cheated on, I know the feeling.
Faithfullness is possible.
Oh..btw, my first time here. Great blog
@GNM Thanks for commenting! I didn't know that gay people in Kenya cheat on each other. Always thought that I was a small community so everyone knows everything about everyone but I guess I was wrong.:) Thanks for shading some light on this faithfulness thing and for the compliment! I'm gald you like it!
@GNM, Twololo! In as much as (meant for @cdohnio) I know gay relationships are sometimes even more dramatic than hetero ones, 6 years!! Mamamia!!
I only hope….
@Joliea I know!!! Its so amazing!! Especially in this day and age! Or maybe its simpler/easier for the older gen (His, @GMN's, profile says he's 200+ years old):-D
He he…..I think in a bid to stay in the closet, I overdid stuff… I am 39 and he is 28.
6 years is indeed long even for hetero relationship and its 20 in gay years LOL. Seriously though, it takes work and committment to make anything work and ours have been a blessing. I have written about it on my blog
@GMN Well I feel good for you! At least I think I can conclude that like most things in life in takes hard work and commitment to make anything work…
If I decide to be in a relationship, am faithful 100%. However, since I've never been in an actual relationship that lasted a long time, I'll call myself a serial monagamist! It's one person at a time!
@Savvykenya Me too! One person at a time is the way! But I do wonder still if I get into a longterm relationship if I can manage!
We'll cross the bridge when we get there, but my intention is to stay faithful.
@Savvykenya then let's pray for each other. It's going to be a difficult journey
Cheating starts in the mind. It shouldn't be that hard to stay faithful.
I think the problem is that people assume that if they are really in love, they'll stay faithful – but there are two different things at stake. Relationships are about feelings, about love. Cheating is, often, only about sex. And the thing is, it's not because one is in love that one is only sexually attracted to the person one is in love with.
And the bad thing about cheating is not really having sex with another person. It's lying to one's partner, betraying their trust by doing something against the rules of their relationship and not telling them about it. That's why it's bad.
To be honest… well, I'm asexual and aromantic, so of course maybe this will seem weird… but I don't understand why romantic relationships have to be sexually exclusive. Feelings seem the most important to me, so why not differentiate sex and love – expect emotional faithfulness but not necessarily sexual faithfulness?
Another thing. Since the breach of trust is the worst thing about cheating, maybe having sex with someone else than one's partner would not hurt the partner so much if they were told about it before.
For instance, one of my friends had a rule with her boyfriend (who is now her husband – they've been together for nearly 7 years now). They said that if one of them wanted to have sex with another person, they'd have to tell the other first and discuss it with them before doing anything. She told me that once she was tempted and she talked about his to her boyfriend, trying to decide if she would have sex with the other guy or not. Eventually, she decided not to. It wasn't out of guilt or for not hurting him, she just decided she didn't want it all that much.
Just some thoughts from someone who has a hard time understanding it all 🙂
@Sgyreju I totally agree with you being in love does not mean that one will stay faithful. I'm not so sure your suggestion would work here in Kenya, we're not that liberal, heck, I don't even think I'm that liberal, not yet anyway.
You have a good understanding the issue despite being asexy and aromantic. We really do need to differentiate love and sex. Perhaps only then can we form realistic expectations of our partners.
I always look forward to your comments because you really take your time to think about what you write. Thanks
@Savvykenya What do you think about what @Sgyreju has said?
I think the problem is that people assume that if they are really in love, they'll stay faithful – but there are two different things at stake. Relationships are about feelings, about love. Cheating is, often, only about sex. And the thing is, it's not because one is in love that one is only sexually attracted to the person one is in love with.
And the bad thing about cheating is not really having sex with another person. It's lying to one's partner, betraying their trust by doing something against the rules of their relationship and not telling them about it. That's why it's bad.
To be honest… well, I'm asexual and aromantic, so of course maybe this will seem weird… but I don't understand why romantic relationships have to be sexually exclusive. Feelings seem the most important to me, so why not differentiate sex and love – expect emotional faithfulness but not necessarily sexual faithfulness?
Another thing. Since the breach of trust is the worst thing about cheating, maybe having sex with someone else than one's partner would not hurt the partner so much if they were told about it before.
For instance, one of my friends had a rule with her boyfriend (who is now her husband – they've been together for nearly 7 years now). They said that if one of them wanted to have sex with another person, they'd have to tell the other first and discuss it with them before doing anything. She told me that once she was tempted and she talked about his to her boyfriend, trying to decide if she would have sex with the other guy or not. Eventually, she decided not to. It wasn't out of guilt or for not hurting him, she just decided she didn't want it all that much.
Just some thoughts from someone who has a hard time understanding it all 🙂
Haha! This is hilarious. Why? Because I have just read this here http://www.gaykenya.com/news/weekly-columnist/columnist-denis-nzioka/3714.html
and the author says the same thing about gay people.
I hope it doesnt happen to me though!
But honestly, I also would like to know why it is so hard for people to be faithful! I just hope..
Oh who am I kidding!!!