Suicide

Today I’m in a sufficiently depressed to post this rather dull post. I wrote it when I was going through a really bad time in my life. I’m feeling right now something similar to what I did then.
Has any of you really contemplated suicide? As in really really thought about it? I have. Sometime I feel it’d be better than all the sadness in the world. Where everyone’s life seems to be going better than yours?

No, I really don’t want to hear that crap of there people out there going through worse! I really don’t care about them do I? I don’t know them.

Death would be sweet release, from worry, from probelms, from uncertainty, from pain, from control, from sadness, from fear, from feeling, from thought.

And so what if I go to hell?(I believe in it) It’ll not be forever and anyway my version of hell, the one I believe in, any pain would be instant before I become nothing. That isn’t so bad. Infact it’s perfect! Just a few moments of judgement, a chance to know that the people I care about most made it to heaven and then blank. Relief.

I’ve thought about it, as in really thought about it, how best to do it so it’s least painful(I have a morbid fear of pain) if a note would be left, what would be on it. Who’d really miss me if I was gone. How the funeral would be. Who’d be there. What I’d want said about me. Which one of my parents would consider it their fault. In less words I mean I’ve thought about it a lot.

I’m not going to kill myself. There’s something you could say anchoring me to this life. If that anchor disappeared, I’d die, I don’t think there’d be much to live for. No point of going on.

I’m leaving comments on this but I’m asking that the sympathy be kept to a mininum. After all it’s never that serious:) Peace!