Not On My Watch: The Epic Cockblock

I think this is something that has happened to every guy at least once. Something that sometimes is necessary to prevent mistakes and idiocy, but most times it’s done just out of pure selfishness; and the time I’m about to tell you of was one of those selfish times. Even just thinking about it brings up in me such a strong feeling of shame and embarrassment that I almost don’t want to tell you about it.

It was sometime before I joined campus, and my boy Jake had called me up we get together for what we liked to call drink-ups. A drink-up is something in between a small get together and a house party. A few people, some food, most likely made when people get to the house, drinks and of course alcohol. Also, it was held during the day. We had had a few of these before and they were always fun so of course I was down.

We meet at one of the shopping centers near his house and bought 3 or 4 bottles of vodka and gin. The drink up would be: me, Jake, our other friend Mike and three other girls. It was looking to be a great afternoon.

We got to the house first and began to make lunch; rice and something, I can’t remember what exactly. And then the ladies arrived: Mercy, Donna and Monica, Jake’s ex-girlfriend. I remember asking Jake if it was a good idea to have invited her, considering he had a girlfriend and she wasn’t exactly over him but he said it was cool and I rolled with it.

We ate downstairs, getting to know each other a little better and stuff. I had never met any of the girls except Monica, and her I didn’t like too much. The last time we met, at Jake’s birthday party, she was being cold and distant to everyone there. I don’t like unfriendly people. On this day she was cool though.

We went upstairs for what we all really were there for: the drinking. We put on some music and sat around the table looking at each other; for some reason no one wanted to be the first one to take a shot. When we started, however (I took the first few shots), it was on like Donkey Kong!! Before I knew the first bottle was gone and we were half way through the second bottle. That’s when thing’s started to get a little crazy.

For some reason I can’t remember, probably a random dare, Monica and Donna started making out. They started out kinda mellow and worked up to quite a feverous pace… they had fallen to the ground and were groping each other without restraint. Of course I did what any sane male human being would do; I took out my phone to record and cheered them on. Jake soon followed my example as did Mercy. Mike just kept shouting that we’re dirty!!! At some point Mercy pulled Monica off Donna and began to make out with her. Her camera was still running and of course you can hear them both moan.

Sidenote: I still have the video somewhere, I may show it to you if you ask nicely.

I remember Jake making out with Monica after she had been pulled off Donna. I wondered at this point if I should stop the video in case it be used as evidence…but then I remembered that I’m never careless so I kept with it.

From this point on, I can only tell wanted happened in flashes because I think I may have been having some mini blackouts, or the alcohol distorted my memory. When the weird horny phase had passed, we each had a girl we were dancing with. We kept drinking. At some point I left the house to get my head back on straight because I was getting wasted a little too fast for my liking. I walked back into the house a couple of minutes later, probably more, to find somehow Jake had disappeared into his room with all three girls.

For some reason Mike found this extremely amusing and couldn’t stop chuckling. I went and tried the door to the room. Locked! Mike and I then peered through the keyhole and for sure from the little glimpses we could see Jake was just about to have a 4some. The girl’s looked topless, so did Jake. And they were all around him, fondling him, making out with him and each other.

Then came the part that I’m not very proud of… I knocked the door!!! Damn, even writing that by myself in my room leaves me with an embarrassed smile. There was no response from inside the room. I knocked a little more insistently; still nothing. I started shouting Jake’s name; nothing. I banged on the door and shouted his name; I said there’s no way he’s going to have a foursome while Mike and I just sat outside the room looking at each other!!!

The door flew up, an understandably livid, half naked, Jake stood glaring at me and asked “What?”

A quick glance behind him showed the girls in various states of undress some more than others.

I calmly told him that it’s not fair that he should hog all the girls. What did he expect me and Mike to do while he had his epic foursome; make out with each other?

He looked at me for half a second and BANG!! The door closed.

I shouted at Jake “I’m serious dude; I’m not just going to stand out here!!!”

I then went a poured myself something to drink and waited. What I said to him must have reached him because for sure a few minutes later he exited the room fully dressed. The girls came out a little later, obviously taking some time to get their clothes together. Jake looked at me as if to ask “Happy?” I just grinned.

Yes. I’m ashamed to say that I cock-blocked my boy from what may have been a once in a lifetime opportunity to have a not a three but foursome!! I think that must be the most epic cock-block of all time!! Until this day Jake and Mike both have never let me forget it!! Thinking about it just leaves me embarrassed and shameful. In my very, very weak defense I was drunk but even I don’t believe that was the only reason.

Now this story doesn’t end here. Jake got cock-blocked again that day but thankful not by me this time. I almost got to lay of the girls there but didn’t. Really when I say almost I mean looking-for-a-condom almost. But this post is already too long. Peace!!