My Upstart TV Audition!!!

Last weekend was one of many happenings (can I say that? Or rather does that make sense to you guys?), but I’d like to talk about what happened on Sunday morning: the Upstart TV auditions.

I was awakened at 8.30am by my cousin, shouting at me to wake up and go for the auditions; I had gone out the night before and gotten thoroughly inebriated so I was hangovered that morning. I probably wouldn’t have woken up if I hadn’t glanced at my phone.

6 Messages Received

“Fuck!! When did all these come in?” A quick glance at them told me only one was important and that was because of the name of the sender; Baby.

“I’m in Kisumu now, when you ready let me know we meet up and go for the auditions.”

“Fuck!!!! Now I really have to go!” It was because of me that she had come all the way to town from school this early on a Sunday morning, I couldn’t disappoint her. She has this way of letting you know that she’s disappointed in you that transcends words. After she’s done with you you’ll practically beg her to give you a chance to make up for it. Well that’s how she makes me feel anyway, it could just be me.

I struggled out of bed and made my way downstairs, shirtless. I’ve never been shy about my body and I’ve been in the best shape of my adult life recently. I had my cousin feel my abs :D. Anyway after I collapsed on the couch to get my mind straight. That took just over an hour, though it felt more like 3. In that time, my cousin, my niece and the maid had left for church – leaving me with clear instructions on where to leave the keys to the house when I got round to leaving, I licked some sugar and immediately regretted it (it left a bad taste in my mouth), I took a shower, leaving my clothes all over the sitting room floor (I’m not sure who picked those up, actually I’m not sure who cleaned up after me because I’m sure that I left a big mess) and I left for town.

Kisumu is generally a hot town, imagine Mombasa with far less humidity(or a sunny hot coastal city). When you’re recovering from the effects of excessive drinking it’s almost unbearable, but at times like that, it’s better to concentrate on the beautiful girl you’re going to meet and not the heat.

Me and Baby met at the stage and headed for the audition, which was taking place at the Tom Mboya Labour College, my first time being there. I can’t really give you a description of the place because I wasn’t paying that much attention, and since my phone is otherwise busted I don’t have pictures. We registered in some tents that were set up at the end of the driveway and got our audition numbers. We were then told to wait under some shade and that was when my audition experience really started.

I was sitting there talking to Baby when a white lady came to talk to us; her name was Kelly. She had on a black t-shirt that had the Upstart logo on it and also those of the sponsors there (I’m not going to mention them, they’re not paying me!!) Kelly’s nice, she joined in our conversation asking us about ourselves and where we were from and such. Me being me I quickly launched into a myriad of stories about myself, Baby (Kelly was jazzed when I called Baby by that name), Kisumu and school. Kelly said “I hope your not all talkative and funny out here and when you get in front of the judges you go all silent on me”

At some point, we went into the antechamber (cool way of saying waiting hall) where our numbers were pinned onto our chests and a mic was attached to me, as I was to be the first to audition, and I went into the audition room, headache forgotten.

There were 3 judges, two dudes and a lady. They asked me a number of questions that I don’t really want to describe here but I will tell you of the one that floored me completely. They asked if I met Bill Gates, who I already called my role model, on an elevator and he was going to the twentieth floor what would I say in that time to make me unforgettable.

I told them what anyone who had never thought of that question would, how he was my role model, that he inspired me and a lot of other uninspired shit. They stopped me like 1 minute in and said, as Bill Gates, “I hear this all the time thanks, go away” at which point I replied almost angrily “You’ve given away billions of dollars in your lifetime and you’re going  to be an asshole to one kid on an elevator?”

Really, I’ve never thought of what I’d do if I met Bill now, whenever I imagined meeting him it was always as equals, one billionaire founder to another, I wouldn’t have to struggle to be memorable :-D

I think I may have come off as a little pompous (I’ve been looking for an opportunity to use this word) to the judges, several times while I was talking I think I saw several smiles of incredulity on the judges faces. Either that or I’m a funny guy.

After I left the audition room I stuck around to give Baby moral support. I heard laughter from the room and I know she did brilliantly.

I think now would be a great time to talk about Baby a little more. She’s a short, brown awesome girl. I’ve known her for over 3 years, but we really got close two years ago when she was my next door neighbour for about a year. It was then I took to calling her Baby, the only girl I’ve ever called that in my life. She’s special to me in several ways that words don’t seem appropriate to describe because they just come up sounding hollow and fake. She’s spanky, clever and all kinds of fun to be around.

We did an interview together afterward together where they asked us a lot of questions about each other. We know each other pretty well so I think we did okay. I should mention at this point that most of the crew were pretty funny, funny in a way that you didn’t want to leave, that you wanted them to be your friends. I’m not sure if that’s how all media crews are but this one seemed an extremely creative bunch.

Just as we were leaving we were called back. I HAD GOT IN, Baby hadn’t :(. I was so excited I started doing a little jig. My mum says I can’t dance much but that’s never stopped me. We did another short interview about me getting in and her not and then we left.

Even the fact I had no idea how it would schedule with school and stuff couldn’t stop my excitement. So I’ll end this blog post with the words I’ve been repeating to myself a lot since then… TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! TV!! I’m going to be on TV!! Peace!!