in life, thoughts

New Year: A Few Thoughts

Happy New Year!! How are y’all doing? This is my first post of the year which should make it special but it really isn’t, mostly because I don’t really have anything useful to say. So instead what follows next is mostly going to be me rambling on about random things.

First of all this is my last semester of school… I’m not really excited, more scared. At the end of these four months I should become a man, which has little to do with my age or level of maturity and more to do with the fact that I’ll be expected to take care of myself. No more handouts from the parents. In fact the only thing I can expect from either of them is a place to sleep and to be fed(and who knows how long the feeding will last?).
If I want to do anything from now on I’ll have to fund it myself. But if I was to be truthful that’s not the part that really scares me. What scares me is the fact that now more than ever I see, and face, even bigger responsibilities than ever before. My mother is out of work and out of house, my baby sister is living in conditions I don’t like at all and my dad has cut off brother completely which means he’s stuck at home until further notice.
Now technically all these aren’t and shouldn’t be my responsibility but I can’t help but feel that my mum is expecting me to turn these situations around. It’s a heavy burden to have.
In not as heavy news, there’s the fact that I’ll be joining the work force soon, or starting a new company, and I worry whether I’ll make it, or if I’m really as clever as I, and several other people, think. I worry about not meeting my own goals and failing to live up to my own expectations. I’m scared that if I don’t do well I’ll be miserable and unhappy with my life.
 How I’m feeling right now; pensive [image:]
I’m growing older and I don’t have a girlfriend. This is not because I can’t attract a girl, I think I do okay on that front(yes I’m tooting  my own horn), it’s that I can’t seem to stay attracted to anyone longer than a couple of days. I fear I’ve lost the ability to fall in love. And yet I desperately want to fall in love. I’ve not felt in love in years. Oh well can’t be helped.

This has turned out into a rather depressing post which might mislead you into thinking that I’m sad, depressed or unhappy but I’m not. I feel rather calm and emotionally stable right now. I hope it lasts through the semester.
So to end this post on a higher note, let me just say that I’ve began to look into my internship opportunities for when I leave school, it’s part of my course requirements, and I have to say this is one thing I’m not worried too much about. Thankfully I’ve been networking (meaning I’ve made friends) with a few influential people and I plan to go link up with and talk to a number of them when I go to Nairobi in a few weeks.

Well that’s it for now. I want to update this blog a lot more (I’m always saying that :D) maybe up to a couple of posts a week. I’d like to thank my editor for goading me into learning to touch type-again- this post was done in 30mins, and much more comfortably. Small pleasures. Anyway catch you around. Peace!!!