[image: http://kids.nationalgeographic.com]

So I logged in to Facebook last week and found my sister had written a birthday note for our mum.

A Note of Gratitude to Mama

I cannot thank God enough for having you in my life. Never have I seen anyone still love and tolerate me even when you felt like roasting me for dinner :-P

You have taught me all the lessons I now know that have kept me as a daughter you take pride in and I stand confident before God and men with gratitude to you. I take pride and confidence in the greatest lesson of all: God, since He is the foundation and fortress behind who I am and upon whom I stand.

Recently, two of my friends: one my best friend and the other a very good friend of mine from school; have fallen in love. Before we get more into that, let’s go a little into these two gentlemen.

My friend in school is what I would call every girls nightmare! In the morning or at night, he seems to be the stuff of their dreams. What I mean by this is that he always has a different girl in his bed at night and in the morning he kicks them out in some of the most remorseless ways I’ve ever seen. He once kicked a girl out by clapping his hands and telling her it was time for her to get lost. Anyway over our holiday he’s suddenly become a gooey eyed romantic. His face lights up when he talks about her and the smile he gets when he sees a message from her is actually a joy to behold. This is the very first girl he’s actually called his girlfriend, ever. And I’ve been there for many of his “girlfriends”.

I did not always identify as aromantic.

For a long time, I did believe in the whole romantic myth that one is truly happier with a romantic partner, and I wished for one. I longed for the time when I would finally live those idealized shared moments with my beloved: having breakfast together, taking long walks hand in hand, talking about everything and anything for hours, kiss passionately like in my favorite love scenes in movies…

I’ve recently come to the conclusion that I’m commitment-phobic. I couldn’t believe it, it’s something that has been having a subtle effect on all my relationships. I’m calling it subtle because I didn’t notice it but I’m thinking someone else may have.

I’ve always complained of how I don’t have a girlfriend and to realise that I’ve been sub-conscientiously sabotaging my own chances makes me laugh. Anyway so I did some research into it (Google/Wikipedia of course). The description I’ve written below is interspersed with commentary from me with how what I’ve written best describes me and how I’ve seen it in my life. These comments will be in brackets so don’t skip to the end hoping to see what I’m thinking.

This post is inspired by some tweets I saw in my timeline by shee_wanjiku. She was complain that one of her friends, a dude, didn’t understand that she just wanted a platonic relationship and not anything else. She was saying that dudes need to realize that just because a chic is nice to them it doesn’t mean she wants to jump your bones. There’s also I heard somewhere on TV “There’s no way a dude and a chic can be just friends” a dude told his date. I thought I talk about these things but in relation with what I’ve experienced myself.
I’ve said severally here that I’m someone who really enjoys the company of girls infact I can as far as saying that I have more girl than boy friends. I’m not entirely sure why that is. I’m by far more selective of my guy friends. I think it’s an ego thing I get from the company of girls.

This is one of those posts where, I just talk randomly about whatever is on my head, as I have nothing of much significance to talk about. Usually when I a have random stuff to write down it’s about one specific topic but today, I’m going random about random.

Random like the colours in this picture

I was in Kakamega over the weekend visiting my cousin; it was all kinds of awesome, drinking and raeving and hanging out and drinking. While on the rave, I happened to dance with a big mama by big here I mean fat. This girl had big everything; big boobs, big ass, big thighs, big stomach; big everything. While she was grinding on me and I’m starting to get a little feeling in my nether regions, I realized that big women may actually be able to be able a rouse something in me. I didn’t know that, I’ve always found fat girl’s unsexy, this weekend is causing me to re-examine that.

I promised I’d do a post a day and I’m trying to do my best to do so. Today we actually start the very first topic of my questioning week, love. This seemly complex thing that we all seek after in one way or another.

My dictionary describes love as an intense feeling of deep affection or a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone. But when ever most of use use it we’re talking about out boyfriends or girlfriends and the second description. Even then its not a word we use casually.