I got slapped on a bus today. I was just there minding my own business, listening to some Lana Del Rey and suddenly something softish smacks me on the side of the face and all I see is this round protrusion sticking out from this guy’s jacket.

I couldn’t believe it. I stared at him as he proceeded sideways down the narrow center aisle of the bus and people tilted their heads to the side to avoid his marshmallowy tummy as it moved past them.