I did not always identify as aromantic.

For a long time, I did believe in the whole romantic myth that one is truly happier with a romantic partner, and I wished for one. I longed for the time when I would finally live those idealized shared moments with my beloved: having breakfast together, taking long walks hand in hand, talking about everything and anything for hours, kiss passionately like in my favorite love scenes in movies…

Sex is a complex matter. It is hard to define – for some people, only genital penetration counts; for others, anything involving someone’s genitals is sex. It also has several meanings: an expression of romantic love, a fun activity, a way to experience pleasure, a way to prove one’s worth… and many more. Some use it as a means of pressure (withholding sex in punishment or offering sex as a reward in order to obtain something), while others plan strategies to obtain it.

I will not lie to you: Questioning one’s identity is scary.

The evening of June 4, 2006, when I finally became aware that I probably was not heterosexual as I had always assumed, and the night that followed were, at the time, the scariest moments of my life. Now, four years later, they have only been pushed to second place by another evening that I do not want to talk about (and anyway, it has nothing to do with asexuality or any of the other matters that I wish to discuss in my Petri Dish).

Since today is the fourth anniversary of the evening during which I realized I needed to reconsider my assumed and never questioned heterosexuality, I thought I might as well tell the story of what exactly happened then.

I had a LiveJournal account in which I wrote regularly – and there are entries about that event. The first one was published at 10:18PM that night, which means that the event happened before.

I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time. For the next week,every day, starting tomorrow, I’ll be featuring a number of posts that I read a long time ago from Rainbow Amoeba’s Petri Dish . She called it Questioning Week.  They really inspired me, so much so that I started my very own Questioning Week inspired by the series of post I’m going to share with you during the coming week

…the Storymoja Monthly Blog Posts Expo. Yeah I was nominated along with a host of other more talented writers such as Savvy Kenya. Yeah someone considered my writing to be at the same level of Savvy!! Yeah I’m feeling rather good about myself right now. You can read about the nomination here, doesn’t seem like there’s any prize to be won though.

Here’s what was said about the nominees

"…today, all I wish to celebrate like we have every month on the Storymoja Writers’ Community, is the diversity of writing and the creativity of forming that can be found on the Kenyan blogosphere.

I’ve recently come to the conclusion that I’m commitment-phobic. I couldn’t believe it, it’s something that has been having a subtle effect on all my relationships. I’m calling it subtle because I didn’t notice it but I’m thinking someone else may have.

I’ve always complained of how I don’t have a girlfriend and to realise that I’ve been sub-conscientiously sabotaging my own chances makes me laugh. Anyway so I did some research into it (Google/Wikipedia of course). The description I’ve written below is interspersed with commentary from me with how what I’ve written best describes me and how I’ve seen it in my life. These comments will be in brackets so don’t skip to the end hoping to see what I’m thinking.

This post is inspired by some tweets I saw in my timeline by shee_wanjiku. She was complain that one of her friends, a dude, didn’t understand that she just wanted a platonic relationship and not anything else. She was saying that dudes need to realize that just because a chic is nice to them it doesn’t mean she wants to jump your bones. There’s also I heard somewhere on TV “There’s no way a dude and a chic can be just friends” a dude told his date. I thought I talk about these things but in relation with what I’ve experienced myself.
I’ve said severally here that I’m someone who really enjoys the company of girls infact I can as far as saying that I have more girl than boy friends. I’m not entirely sure why that is. I’m by far more selective of my guy friends. I think it’s an ego thing I get from the company of girls.

…and how I came to be short-sighted.

why am I talking about these things in the same post? Well It’s because one is related to the other. I bet you’re wondering how.

When I was younger, much younger than I am now, I’m guessing when I was about 12 and a half, the TV in out house broke. My baby sis, whom I love very much, while in the stage where babies are beginning to walk using other objects as support, was leaning against the TV and pushed it over.

So I was just watching news at 9 on NTV, first time in maybe in 2 months or so. I feel that watching it is pointless as most of it is political bullshit and the rest depressing. But today two things caught me First the murder of post graduate student, Mercy Keino, who died in rather mysterious circumstances over the weekend. Was actually going to do a post on it until a second story came along.