in dating, life, me

Questioning week:Dating

So this is the like the 4th day of questioning week and so far so good. I’ve been able to post something each day so far. Today we talk about dating and perhaps at the end you’ll help me answer questions I have.
A coffee date

A date is an appointment or engagement, especially a social one with a member of the opposite sex. That’s what my phone dictionary tells me, and I quite agree, anyone with a different interpretation feel free to share it in the comments. It’s a simple enough definition and we can begin with that. NOTE: This will be told from my point of view so it’ll be biased to what might be “the guy” side.
The purpose of a date is to get to know the other person and find out if you’re compatible. You might as well call it an interview. The first is usually nervous and strained with awkward silences. You sit across from each other staring at each other wondering why you even decided to do it in the first place ‘till one of you (usually the dude) gets the balls to talk and depending, on if you’re as skilled as meJ, a conversation gets started. Topics are mainly superficial.  Depending on just how well the first date went the second date is more relaxed than the last and you delve deeper into each others lives. This is the one where it is decided if they’ll be another or not. And so you if date for long enough, and well enough, you just may end up girlfriend and boyfriend.
Based on what I’ve just said the most important things when on a date are to get your date comfortable, entertained and engaged. All these things I know I can do but there’s a part that I’ve not yet mentioned. The part that bothers me the most, one of the reasons I don’t date. In a bid to impress said chic I’ll obviously pay for the first few dates also I’ll have to take her to place that has the right atmosphere. Unfortunately the right atmosphere is bloody expensive! The food there is well beyond what someone my age can afford.
Then there’s the fact that the part you’re seeing of the other person and of yourself isn’t exactly the honest truth or rather the best of you. The ugly part remains cleverly hidden or cloaked in endearing words. That’s why you find people getting married and then saying (s)he’s no longer like the (wo)man I used to date.
If you’re lucky enough not to be affected by these there’s always the chance that you’ll be cheated not once or twice but severally! I’ve seen it happen even with some of my friends. Faithfulness is fast becoming the stuff you read about in story books and in fast fading myths. All these and my own personal issues with life in general make me think twice about dating anyone.
So why is it I feel some kind of pressure from my friends and society to date? While I’ve since learnt to ignore that pressure I still think about it from time to time. Why chic’s standards are so high? What’s the point of it all anyway? Is it a form of materialism? Or am I just broke and bitter about it? Either way I’m not going to be dating for a long while. Peace!
  1. I don't like the idea that the guy (in a heterosexual context) has to pay for everything in order to impress the girl. I don't date guys (and not yet girls, but this will come) but I wouldn't like the guy to pay for everything, I'd feel that after that I owe him and that he might request me to do something for him in return – something I might not want to do (I don't necessarily mean something sexual). When I start dating, I'll want to split everything 50/50 with the other girl, and I'll tell her before we meet for the date so that she can decide to opt out if she doesn't like it.

    I also agree about the part of not seeing the true person. That's why I think that the best relationships are the ones in which the two people start as friends. One of my cousins met her boyfriend that way, they were project partners and friends in uni and then became roommates and now they have been a couple for several years and they've never disappointed each other because they never actually "dated" since they already knew each other from the start.

    As to the standards people may have… I agree with you, it's all become kind of pointless. It's all about impressing each other and not really connecting to each other. I also don't want my experience with dating to be like that. When I start dating, I won't follow the stereotypes of what dating is supposed to be like. I will make it what I want it to be.

  2. @wyndago It's not only about the paper. And maybe I should have used the word courting instead of dating which I agree is fun.
    @sgyreju As always well articulated points I agree with you to an extent. I don't mind paying, it's just that I can't afford it right now, all the time. The way your cousin did it would actually be ideal. I'm thinking of doing a whole post on it later. I'd love to hear your opinion on my views when/if it appears.
    Thanks for commenting guys.

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